Arvind Kejriwal and the astrological geese

The news flash was that some people, and perhaps some stars and planets too, conspired against Nandan Nilekani and forced him to file his nomination papers during a  bad (read 

“inauspicious”) phase of the day. That gave me an idea to suggest the time Arvind Kejriwal should file his nomination papers for the high-profile Varanasi seat.

But, there are a few preparatory steps to take. Kejriwal must first assemble a gaggle of geese, that is a good metaphor for astrologers sitting cross legged, I suppose, after flying in from different corners of the nation. Apparently it takes at least five geese to make a gaggle. Here I would suggest, in light of enhanced status of humans vis-à-vis geese, that the quorum for gaggle be raised to a dozen.

Then, Kejriwal should ask the astrologers to consult his horoscope in conjunction with ALL the textbooks, ALL the practices across this vast nation which include Rahu Kalam,  Yema Kandam, palmistry, Nadi jotish (pulseology?), Numerology, alphabetology  – standard or non-standard, none excepted – of their trades. Kejriwal would then organize a brain storming session, no outsiders allowed.

Here comes the catch. The astrologers will be asked to identify the most inauspicious time for Kejriwal to file his papers in Varanasi, running against BJP’s Prime Minister-in-waiting Narendra Modi. The session, after what I expect to be a series of cantankerous meetings, will suggest the time that would guarantee that he will lose, indeed lose big, in the election to the parliament from that holiest of holy places, for the simple reason he violated all the tenets of astrology, Hindu astrology. This recommendation, Kejriwal will follow in letter and spirit.

If Kejriwal desires he may also convene another session to suggest the most auspicious time for him to file his papers from another “safe” constituency. This would be Daily Double  for the astrologers.

What is in these sessions for the astrologers? Besides the obvious monetary benefits, it is a win-win situation (literally) for them. They are guaranteed to win on two counts – when Kejriwal loses from Varanasi – which as polls indicate is a certainty – and when he wins from the “safe” constituency.

Astrologers, though their business has been flourishing, have been on the defensive of late. True, Narendra Dabholkar has been removed from the scene but there are enough pesky pests around. Statisticians gleefully note that astrologers’ predictions do no better than what a random pick would allow. Kejriwal affords them a virtual clinching argument in this debate, often acrimonious.

The group’s recommendations, sure to be followed by the candidate at both the locations, will cement the reputation of the astrologers among the aam aadmi. This is the least the self-proclaimed Aam Aaadmi Party (AAP) can do. One out of two correct predictions may be random, but two out of two, as definite to be in this case, is something astrophysicists will sell their soul for to confirm the remnants of gravity wave ripples during the inflationary phase of the universe, uncomfortably close to the beginning of time.

One may as well ask what is in this for Kejriwal/AAP. One word, credibility. As I had suggested in an earlier blog contesting as a sure shot loser does not validate Kejriwal’s position as a crusader. He has to be present in the parliament. But he must also have valid reasons for contesting from two constituencies and losing one. Astrologers provide the required rationale, for both.

Two birds in one stone; alas, neither is a goose.

Raghuram Ekambaram