Wednesday, January 07, 2015

A dozen “…been there and beyond … done that and better”

It is the season to toot your own horn! Well, I am going to do it proxy-wise – the culture I belong to, the heritage I have been bequeathed standing in for me.
Recently we heard how we knew plastic surgery - long, long ago nobody knows how long ago; how it was an Indian who figured out what has come to be called Pythagoras Theorem. These, as good as they are, are not good enough for me. Following is my list of “…been there, done that…”
1.    Charles Darwin with his Theory of Evolution is a Johnny-come-lately. Just check out the ages-old series of avatars in our dasavatharam (not the Kamal Hasan starrer, but the original), the theory figured out eons ago.
2.    How did the squirrel get stripes on its back along the line of its spine? Don’t ask Neo-Darwinists but do ask Sage Valmiki. He told us that Lord Ram caressed the critter with three fingers, presto the stripes.
3.    Ptolemy used ungainly epicycles to solve the problem of retro motion of planets. Our sages did it infinitely more elegantly - and never did they make any mistake in predicting Sani Peyarchi (the planet Saturn shifting from one Zodiac sign to the next).
4.    Dark Energy, supposedly a great find of recent decades. Just ask where Hiranyaksha hid the earth; at the bottom of the Cosmic Ocean. What filled up this Cosmic Ocean? Of course, Dark Energy!
5.    Wave-particle duality – a straight lift from Adi Sankara’s Advaita philosophy.
6.    Apollo astronauts brought back only surface soil samples from the moon. But, when cursed to lose his shine, Moon himself came down to Mount Kailash to seek remedy from Lord Siva. Take that NASA! Our sage’s curse is far stronger than your Saturn V rockets!
7.    Black body radiation – emanations form Lord Krishna’s body!
8.    Western science and technology had never created a river. But, our Sage Agasthya did - connive with Lord Ganesha, and there flows River Cauvery.
9.    One of our greatest personalities, Bishma Pitamaha, chose his time of death, outside of suicide. Has this been achieved by anyone else, anywhere? No.
10. Lord Krishna got the Moon and the Sun to be next to each other at an un-appointed time. Any parallels anywhere? No.
11. Our demigods travel nonchalantly and visit each other, across heavenly distances. When they visit the Sun they don’t get burnt! Anyone else to match such feats? No. We invented heat shields. NASA could have contacted us and avoided the shuttle disasters.
12. Einstein said that there is nothing called simultaneity. What did he know; our Gods can be everywhere simultaneously.
So, you got the point. Come up with your own.

Raghuram Ekambaram   


Indian Satire said...

By the by, who created castes? must be some alien :)

mandakolathur said...

You are so right, Balu. We Indians, more particularly our ancestors, would not get down so low and create castes. That is not a place we had ever been. We were taken there by aliens;)