Honest is What Honest Does

I start this post with a full disclosure: till about six months ago, I was fond of using the phrase, “Honestly speaking...”, or, “To be honest ...” whenever I wanted to make a point that was tenuously connected to, or somewhat detached from mainstream ideas. This was in my classes, in my conversations with friends and foes in the academia, and relatives too. This was pointed out by my wife.

As I disputed her at my risk, I did not risk disputing her. From then on, I merely stated my position and let its strength carry it through. It had a success rate right of three-sigma on the frequency distribution curve. That is, the idea did not need my help of declaration of honesty.

Now, I am going full bore against the same phrases.

If someone were to try to tell you something and starts off, “To be honest...,” or, alternatively, “Honestly speaking...”, beware. You could expect one of the following two: one, the statement will be trivial that carries zero relevance to honesty. This is not too consequential; triviality breeds no success or failures.

The second one is more dangerous. The moment the listener responds, she hurls herself into the abyss of dishonesty as she has already ceded the space in which dishonesty prevails.

If we were to equate honesty with truth, we would find it is valid. To bring clarity to this statement, I would resort to a mythological story that I heard with my head resting on the lap of my mother’s elder sister, nearly 60 years ago. Yes, it has stayed with me that long, and strength undiminished.

Goddess Parvathi was to be betrothed to Lord Siva and the groom’s party was arriving at the bride’s house in full regalia. Our lady was half-hiding in the balcony, ever anxious to look at her husband-to-be, and pestering the bridesmaids. They showed the man leading the parade, dressed in warrior nines, riding a white steed, and exhibiting a commanding presence. They pointed him to her. Parvathi, disgusted, let out a strong, “NO!”

Then came the second and again, the maids saw and asked whether this was the one. Again, the same reaction. And, on it went. Then came a man, dressed in tiger skin, hair all matted, bare chested, with a garland of skull bones, and walking tall (Clint Eastwood would make a movie of that title later!). He could not be, the maids satisfied themselves: “No, not this beggarly man ...”, and did not mention him to the Goddess. Then, piqued by the commotion on the street, Parvathi emerged out of her hiding and looked. She knew, that very instant, this was him; did not have to ask anyone.

Truth needs no adornment. It cannot hide itself. It is always manifest. Honesty is the same. It does not need anyone’s assertion that it is honest!

I have tested this many times in the classroom. I have deliberately led the students on the wrong path, referring to the wrong equations, getting stuck, trying to untie the knots to make students uncomfortable. Then, wandering here and there, I come to the true path, honest (I did not need that "honest" here). Lo and behold, students, in unison cry out, “Yes, this is correct!”

That made my day.

Honesty does not have to do anything. It just is.

Raghuram Ekambaram