The following is a conversation I had with God last night (or perhaps early morning today). Please understand that the format is not genuine; I am only giving the gist as I recall now, a few hours later. My short-term memory is so bad you must excuse if I seem to have strayed.
How would you know? If I have put words in the mouth of God that appear contradictory, they may as well be, or more likely it could be that I am not so rigidly schooled in religion that I could have interpreted his statements wisely. This was a brief interaction, shorter than the introduction.
The Voice: What’s with you people?
I: Who is the “you”? But first, who are you?
TV: I am God. And, the “you” is all of you, at least all the men, down there on the earth in that wretched place, particularly for women, that you call Delhi.
R: Hey, wait just a second. God or no God, I won’t stand anyone bad mouthing my city.
G: Oh, your city, eh? You bloody transplant, from Chennai, of all places, via Kanpur, Delhi, Jaipur, Mumbai …. But, let me come to the point. Why do you rape an innocent 23 year old girl on a moving bus with dark window shutters? You are all rapists.
R: Who you calling “rapists” man, oops … God? There was one rotten egg and you brand us all rapists?
G: hmmm…
R: By the way, would it have been better had the girl not been in a moving bus with dark window shutters? Like a stationary bus, and with clear glass windows? No, don’t answer that. Have you lost your bearings?
G: Of course not, even though I am in the middle of nowhere, thanks to Newton. Anyways, why such gruesome assault?
R: Ask yourself. It is you who created that monster of a human. At least you take credit for all creation. You are the Frankenstein of the Frankenstein’s Monster fame.
G: No, I did not create the monster. Had Eve listened to me, this monster rapist would never have been.
R: So, you are back to blaming women! Is that – that Eve sinned – the reason for making women rapeable?
G: No. Men can also be raped. It just does not seem to be prominent enough or happening often enough for a Facebook inspired response. Maybe because Adam was lured into sinning by Eve.
R: Again, blame the women; or, the woman.
G: If you are going to be so picky, I am leaving.
R: Oh yeah … of course, even when priests do monstrous things to young boys. You have got some cheek!
G: hmmm …
R: You and your hmmm…s. Speak up man …oops again … God. OK, I will proceed to the next stage; one where the victim fought gamely for her life but gave up in the end.
G: Yes, wasn’t she a brave girl.
R: Oh, shut up. Who are you to certify that she was brave? By the way, aren’t you the one who guarantees action if a plea for help comes? Like when Draupati asked for it, like when Gajendra was caught in the jaws of the crocodile (or was it an alligator?) and on and on … Why no response now?
G: Perhaps the girl was not strong enough to shout at the top her voice.
R: Oh, Jesus H Christ! …
G: Stop that. You are violating one of the Ten Commandments.
R: I know all that Charlton Heston and Cecil B. DeMille stuff. Now, as per reports, prayers by the billions, even from China, Singapore, were sent to you. That should have perked up your ears.
G: Oh, that … that I can explain. Of late and around the world there have been too many candle light vigils. The attached prayers felt more like spam. So, I googled “Firewall” and chose the best.
R: Which one was that?
G: Mc …, no, I take that back. And, I also take the Fifth.
R: Did you suddenly become an American, taking the Fifth and all? Aren’t you Universal?
G: Yes, I am Universal, but I learnt from you people. If you are looking to hit somebody with a libel suit, go to UK to have the best chance. The Universal, believe it or not, has its limits. It is for this I momentarily became an American, to take the Fifth. Now, I am back to my Universal Self, the Atman, as you people call me.
R: Leave all that philosophical mumbo jumbo. Just give it to me straight – why did you take the Fifth?
G: Oh, that is so very easy. The protection I got was not from a goonda, but a reputed IT company, with possibly many Indians working for it. All are my children. If they get into trouble with the law, I am the one in the dock. Didn’t you watch, “Oh My God” and see Paresh Rawal going for my throat for the lousy insurance policy he signed?
R: Yes, I did and enjoyed the movie. I like to see you squirm. Akshay Kumar did a decent job.
G: Suppose I name the company to you. He becomes a double criminal, worse than Double Jeopardy. He made a firewall that even I could not switch off even if I had wanted. This is what must have happened.
R: So, you are saying, you did not know that a girl was lying seriously injured in a hospital?
G: Yes. This was the fault of the company. It must have given me a God override but didn’t. This was the company’s first crime.
R: What was its second?
G: It made the firewall so good that even your Indian IT brains could not find a crack to slip through. That is, not just My brain, but those of many million in the Indian IT workforce were scupperred in the efforts to breach the firewall. This is its second crime.
R: OK. Your logic is fine. You are Universal only when You want to be. You are omnipotent when it is to Your benefit. You are omniscient only when You know there is no trouble knowing what is there to be known. If someone prays to You and their problems vanish, no matter their prayers did not reach You, still the credit accrues to You.
Oh My God, You are a magician. None has such a fantastic filter. Google must consult you to get their search results not straying too far, not going all over the place. You indeed are showing the way. Now, go away, just as God vanished in the last frame, past a temple spire in OMG.
G: May I be with Ye!
That was God bidding me Goodbye. But, I screamed
R: NO, NO! Please go away!
Raghuram Ekambaram
How would you know? If I have put words in the mouth of God that appear contradictory, they may as well be, or more likely it could be that I am not so rigidly schooled in religion that I could have interpreted his statements wisely. This was a brief interaction, shorter than the introduction.
The Voice: What’s with you people?
I: Who is the “you”? But first, who are you?
TV: I am God. And, the “you” is all of you, at least all the men, down there on the earth in that wretched place, particularly for women, that you call Delhi.
R: Hey, wait just a second. God or no God, I won’t stand anyone bad mouthing my city.
G: Oh, your city, eh? You bloody transplant, from Chennai, of all places, via Kanpur, Delhi, Jaipur, Mumbai …. But, let me come to the point. Why do you rape an innocent 23 year old girl on a moving bus with dark window shutters? You are all rapists.
R: Who you calling “rapists” man, oops … God? There was one rotten egg and you brand us all rapists?
G: hmmm…
R: By the way, would it have been better had the girl not been in a moving bus with dark window shutters? Like a stationary bus, and with clear glass windows? No, don’t answer that. Have you lost your bearings?
G: Of course not, even though I am in the middle of nowhere, thanks to Newton. Anyways, why such gruesome assault?
R: Ask yourself. It is you who created that monster of a human. At least you take credit for all creation. You are the Frankenstein of the Frankenstein’s Monster fame.
G: No, I did not create the monster. Had Eve listened to me, this monster rapist would never have been.
R: So, you are back to blaming women! Is that – that Eve sinned – the reason for making women rapeable?
G: No. Men can also be raped. It just does not seem to be prominent enough or happening often enough for a Facebook inspired response. Maybe because Adam was lured into sinning by Eve.
R: Again, blame the women; or, the woman.
G: If you are going to be so picky, I am leaving.
R: Oh yeah … of course, even when priests do monstrous things to young boys. You have got some cheek!
G: hmmm …
R: You and your hmmm…s. Speak up man …oops again … God. OK, I will proceed to the next stage; one where the victim fought gamely for her life but gave up in the end.
G: Yes, wasn’t she a brave girl.
R: Oh, shut up. Who are you to certify that she was brave? By the way, aren’t you the one who guarantees action if a plea for help comes? Like when Draupati asked for it, like when Gajendra was caught in the jaws of the crocodile (or was it an alligator?) and on and on … Why no response now?
G: Perhaps the girl was not strong enough to shout at the top her voice.
R: Oh, Jesus H Christ! …
G: Stop that. You are violating one of the Ten Commandments.
R: I know all that Charlton Heston and Cecil B. DeMille stuff. Now, as per reports, prayers by the billions, even from China, Singapore, were sent to you. That should have perked up your ears.
G: Oh, that … that I can explain. Of late and around the world there have been too many candle light vigils. The attached prayers felt more like spam. So, I googled “Firewall” and chose the best.
R: Which one was that?
G: Mc …, no, I take that back. And, I also take the Fifth.
R: Did you suddenly become an American, taking the Fifth and all? Aren’t you Universal?
G: Yes, I am Universal, but I learnt from you people. If you are looking to hit somebody with a libel suit, go to UK to have the best chance. The Universal, believe it or not, has its limits. It is for this I momentarily became an American, to take the Fifth. Now, I am back to my Universal Self, the Atman, as you people call me.
R: Leave all that philosophical mumbo jumbo. Just give it to me straight – why did you take the Fifth?
G: Oh, that is so very easy. The protection I got was not from a goonda, but a reputed IT company, with possibly many Indians working for it. All are my children. If they get into trouble with the law, I am the one in the dock. Didn’t you watch, “Oh My God” and see Paresh Rawal going for my throat for the lousy insurance policy he signed?
R: Yes, I did and enjoyed the movie. I like to see you squirm. Akshay Kumar did a decent job.
G: Suppose I name the company to you. He becomes a double criminal, worse than Double Jeopardy. He made a firewall that even I could not switch off even if I had wanted. This is what must have happened.
R: So, you are saying, you did not know that a girl was lying seriously injured in a hospital?
G: Yes. This was the fault of the company. It must have given me a God override but didn’t. This was the company’s first crime.
R: What was its second?
G: It made the firewall so good that even your Indian IT brains could not find a crack to slip through. That is, not just My brain, but those of many million in the Indian IT workforce were scupperred in the efforts to breach the firewall. This is its second crime.
R: OK. Your logic is fine. You are Universal only when You want to be. You are omnipotent when it is to Your benefit. You are omniscient only when You know there is no trouble knowing what is there to be known. If someone prays to You and their problems vanish, no matter their prayers did not reach You, still the credit accrues to You.
Oh My God, You are a magician. None has such a fantastic filter. Google must consult you to get their search results not straying too far, not going all over the place. You indeed are showing the way. Now, go away, just as God vanished in the last frame, past a temple spire in OMG.
G: May I be with Ye!
That was God bidding me Goodbye. But, I screamed
R: NO, NO! Please go away!
Raghuram Ekambaram
4 comments:
Raghuram, you should switch from engineering to literature.
Thanks Matheikal, I had stopped being an engineer long time ago! It is too late for me to take to literature :)
RE
Raghu one word awesome
Thanks Balu ... I have some good teachers, you, for instance.
Wishing you the bestest for 2013
RE
Post a Comment