A woman’s attitude towards women – on the metro

Last evening I learned something important: at least under certain circumstances, even if they be of the everyday kind, women do not expect other women to be sensitivity personified. They expect men to be more accommodating.

I was riding the Delhi Metro on my way back from work. I was standing in front of a group of three ladies, all of then seated and two of them occupying seats reserved for ladies. On the general seats, there were three young male adults, each one of them looking like a potential eve-teaser. As it is, there were eight passengers on the bench seat designed for seven. Do not get me started on this; I could not grit my teeth and bare them but settled down to the simple grin and bear. But there was more to come.

A portly middle-aged+ lady got on the train at the next station. It was reasonably crowded and I was standing just OK, neither enough elbow room nor elbowed. The lady asked for space to move past me and I sort of tried to draw my stomach in. She acknowledged the futility of my efforts.

Then, even as she was standing in front of the three women – at least two of them definitely in the early middle-age group and from the looks, eminently eve-teasable – she addressed the three young men down the bench in half-pleading tone, “Bacchon …” and sought a seat to sit. To the everlasting credit of the group, two of them vacated their seats.

The sextet adjusted its seats and the lady sat. But the now septet had to readjust its seats again to accommodate another passenger, a male who, in my opinion, did not have any claim for the privilege for parking his seat. Such games within games of musical chairs on the metro! Wonderful time-pass.

That the lady approached the young lads rather than the seated ladies is very instructive. OK, two of them were occupying seats reserved for ladies and they were under no obligation to accommodate the obviously-in-discomfort lady. They too are ladies, after all.

This can be justified only in terms of the sense of entitlement that permeates the thinking of these two ladies. The other lady? Well, she is a lady too and why should she offer her seat to another lady? After all, DMRC advices that passengers may please vacate seats for the aged, the disabled and also ladies. The last category makes it clear that the advice is offered to male passengers, you understand! So, the lady seated in the “unreserved” seat has no obligation to offer her seat in this instance, indeed under any circumstance.

There are a number of issues and questions that arise in my mind. Why did these four ladies got on the general coach instead of the reserved one? It is definitely not the case that the “unreserved” compartment was less crowded. And, ladies know that there are only four seats reserved for ladies in the “unreserved” coach. Did all of them think they will get their seats? Or, did they think they can successfully compete with men, most of them rough and ready to capture seats for the, say, 15 minute smooth ride to their destinations? No. They got on because they knew that they will be treated with respect (do they deserve it is another question altogether) and will be given a helping hand and not a pawing one in general, despite the fact it is the same ladies who would not lose a second in complaining about there being eve-teasers galore on the metro.

Something has to give in the above set of inconsistencies or impossible assessments. Look no farther than what the women commuters think of their fellow women travelers. They know they will be left to their own with no assistance coming forth in the reserved coaches. They know that they stand a better chance of being seated, thanks to the courtesy of men in the “unreserved” coaches. But, they also know that they have to stereotype men as eve-teasers even while taking their generously offered help to not let go their privilege of travelling in a reserved coach.

Oh, that attitude of entitlement, no matter the reality. This is the lesson I took from my metro ride yesterday.

Raghuram Ekambaram

P.S If you think there are parallels between the above and behavior of the beneficiaries of “reservations”, well, there are parallels and perpendiculars. Therefore, it is better to leave that discussion aside and for another time.