“Hello!” I answered the phone.
“This is Mitt.”
“Mitt who?”
“Mitt Romney, the Mormon.” (Mitt is occupying the religious space, recently vacated by Santorum.)
I heard that as “Moron”, but I kept quiet.
Mitt continued, “I want to talk to you and ask you for your support in my election bid for the President of the US.”
“But, I am not a US citizen.”
“Oh, I know that. I also know that you keep refering to the US so very often in your blogposts, you can pass successfully.”
“But I am not a popular blogger.”
I thought to myself, “Thank God for that!”
Mitt replied, “Yet, I see you have perhaps half a dozen readers in the US. I want you to reach out to them and put in a few words in my favor.”
I paused a bit, thinking about how desperate Mitt should be that he reaches out to me, someone who had been in America more than twenty years ago.
“Let me cut to the chase, Ragu [I had tried my level best to get Americans to put that ‘h’ between the ‘g’ and the ‘u’ but to no avail]. Does your maid pay taxes?”
“No. But why you ask?”
"Hold your horses. Do you pay taxes?"
"You are being naive, Mitt. Will my government let this milch cow go free? You bet I pay my taxes and some."
“You must know that Obama lined up some super rich and their assistants and scored a few brownie points about the employees paying taxes at a higher rate than their rich bosses. People seem to have fallen for this gimmick.”
“True. Obama is doing a makeover of his image. He endorsed the so-called ‘Buffett Rule’, a minimum tax rate for the superrich.”
“That is it. I look at things from the other side. You pay taxes but your maid does not. I want to pick up on this and show that Obama has brought in class-warfare in his politicking. The leftist he is, without a doubt.”
“So, what do you want me to do?”
“My campaign funds have taken a hit, this gang of Santorum, Gingrich, Ryan and the sundry others has bled me dry. I cannot afford to fly you and your maid into the US and back. I am also approaching others like you who pay taxes but whose maids and assistants do not, from Vietnam, Thailand, Kenya – that should hurt Obama, his father being a Kenyan. It all adds up too fast and too big. All I ask now is a simple snapshot of you and your maid together.”
“Not in bed, remember,” he whispered.
Continuing, he said, “Send it over to me by email and I will Photoshop all the photographs coming from the other countries, put myself in it and send it to you.”
“Then what?”
“Should I spell out everything to you?” his frustration showed. “Put up a post with the doctored photograph in your blogspace as a counter to what Obama has done. I am assured of the votes of the half a dozen Indian-Americans. Or, is it American Indians? Anyways, it does not matter. Six votes is still plenty.”
“This is all sounding crazy.”
“You must agree this ain’t crazier than what Buffett Rule demands of us, the rich with two Lincoln cars and such.”
“Yes. Now I am convinced. I will do it pronto.”
“That is good, Ragu. Now, I have to convince unpopular bloggers from the other countries and I will take your name when I talk to them.”
“Please do. Good luck! Bye!”
Raghuram Ekambaram
“This is Mitt.”
“Mitt who?”
“Mitt Romney, the Mormon.” (Mitt is occupying the religious space, recently vacated by Santorum.)
I heard that as “Moron”, but I kept quiet.
Mitt continued, “I want to talk to you and ask you for your support in my election bid for the President of the US.”
“But, I am not a US citizen.”
“Oh, I know that. I also know that you keep refering to the US so very often in your blogposts, you can pass successfully.”
“But I am not a popular blogger.”
I thought to myself, “Thank God for that!”
Mitt replied, “Yet, I see you have perhaps half a dozen readers in the US. I want you to reach out to them and put in a few words in my favor.”
I paused a bit, thinking about how desperate Mitt should be that he reaches out to me, someone who had been in America more than twenty years ago.
“Let me cut to the chase, Ragu [I had tried my level best to get Americans to put that ‘h’ between the ‘g’ and the ‘u’ but to no avail]. Does your maid pay taxes?”
“No. But why you ask?”
"Hold your horses. Do you pay taxes?"
"You are being naive, Mitt. Will my government let this milch cow go free? You bet I pay my taxes and some."
“You must know that Obama lined up some super rich and their assistants and scored a few brownie points about the employees paying taxes at a higher rate than their rich bosses. People seem to have fallen for this gimmick.”
“True. Obama is doing a makeover of his image. He endorsed the so-called ‘Buffett Rule’, a minimum tax rate for the superrich.”
“That is it. I look at things from the other side. You pay taxes but your maid does not. I want to pick up on this and show that Obama has brought in class-warfare in his politicking. The leftist he is, without a doubt.”
“So, what do you want me to do?”
“My campaign funds have taken a hit, this gang of Santorum, Gingrich, Ryan and the sundry others has bled me dry. I cannot afford to fly you and your maid into the US and back. I am also approaching others like you who pay taxes but whose maids and assistants do not, from Vietnam, Thailand, Kenya – that should hurt Obama, his father being a Kenyan. It all adds up too fast and too big. All I ask now is a simple snapshot of you and your maid together.”
“Not in bed, remember,” he whispered.
Continuing, he said, “Send it over to me by email and I will Photoshop all the photographs coming from the other countries, put myself in it and send it to you.”
“Then what?”
“Should I spell out everything to you?” his frustration showed. “Put up a post with the doctored photograph in your blogspace as a counter to what Obama has done. I am assured of the votes of the half a dozen Indian-Americans. Or, is it American Indians? Anyways, it does not matter. Six votes is still plenty.”
“This is all sounding crazy.”
“You must agree this ain’t crazier than what Buffett Rule demands of us, the rich with two Lincoln cars and such.”
“Yes. Now I am convinced. I will do it pronto.”
“That is good, Ragu. Now, I have to convince unpopular bloggers from the other countries and I will take your name when I talk to them.”
“Please do. Good luck! Bye!”
Raghuram Ekambaram
6 comments:
Congrats, Raghuram, you are turning to literature (satire, at least) and doing a good job of it.
enjoyed it. do write more of such stuff. In 1968 , the year I started my studeis in US, George Romney (Mitt's father) was the governor of Michigan. He was also in the presidential race. But everybody knew he had no chance because he was a mormon. Nelso Rockefeller also did not make it because he was a divorcee. Finally richrd Nixon made it.
make s series out of such conversations..loved it..
Matheikal,
You just discouraged me by mentioning literature :)))))
But seriously, thanks a lot for the encouragement.
RE
Yes Pala, even JFK had to kind of dissociate himself from his Roman Catholic affiliation. Thanks for enjoying this post bordering on frivolity.
RE
Thanks DS sir. Something has to flash before I would do any such stuff! But, with your encouragement, will try harder.
RE
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