I am offering a few experiences of a friend of mine, who, of course, shall remain nameless. He is perhaps a year younger to me and belongs to middle class, a cut or two above me.
Within the last year he had visited his son in the US. They were driving to New York and my friend, who has some problem with bladder control, encountered an emergency. He asked his son to stop along the highway. This, he has done in India.
His son, who was then not too many years old in the US, refused. But he took the next exit, pulled into a gas station and that was that.
But, what this son did a couple of years before he went to the US, that is interesting. He had darkened his car windows with the film. It was not regulation level. He was pulled up by a traffic policeman (a drive was on in the city). The fine amounted to Rs. 600. The son, true to his pre-US persona, pulled out his wallet and thrust half the amount into the cop’s hand. That was that.
But, the story does not end here. The next day, the father told me what his son had done and he was brimming with pride; his son had “saved” Rs. 300! I took him to task on that and I was not subtle. My friend and I were not on talking terms for next six months or so.
Now, after returning from his visit to the US and while recounting the highway bladder escapade, my friend was again filled with pride, about his son’s civic sense. Understandable, sure. What more, his other son bought a car and the father told him in no uncertain terms, “You get caught for anything illegal, YOU pay! You pay FULL! You pay out of YOUR pocket!”
Where was the government in all of the above? On the sidelines.
Raghuram Ekambaram
6 comments:
Behavior is a function of the person and the situation.So he is proud of his son in India and in US.no rigidity about values.This is total flexibility.
Yes DS sir ... and this is encapsulated (in reverse) in a saying, "Keep an open mind; but not so open that your brain falls out!"
Thanks a lot.
Raghuram Ekambaram
Sometimes people unconciously demonstrate that 'values' are negotiable.
This also somewhat makes me feel vindicated that most people behave upright when they fear loss of face and standing, their level of conviction about what is 'right' actually leaves much to be desired.
Very well said Aditi; Individual's conviction cannot be rooted in the rules and regulations of society. It has to be generated within. The so-called moral compass.
But, as an atheist, I also do not think that this compass can be aligned with religion or the concept of God. Then, whence this internal drive? Haven't a clue.
Raghuram Ekambaram
Ah, the contradictions in our minds...There are so many of us too often (and that includes myself)that are not too aware of one's own contradictions...
When I was a kid in multi-cultural Singapore,there was an Indian man who spat his vettalai saliva out of the bus,and was told off by the Chinese bus conductor...
The culprit turned to me (I was in the next seat) and said in Tamil: What does he know about our culture? What does he know about Tirukural?
Hmmm....I did ask him if the Tirukural advocated or encouraged spitting in public...
But more importantly than that, it is one of those incidents that has prompted me to be aware of such contradictions in oneself...
Raj, what you refer to "contradictions within oneself", I say it as "cognitive dissonance". The meaning I attch to this phrase differes slightly from what you find in literature - I mean that I know that I am not as good as I think I am. I am not God, to be vulgar about it.
Thanks for bringing that out of me.
Raghuram Ekambaram
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