Saturday, September 26, 2015

Composed on iPad Mini Pro Max

Well, I had to assert that I am ahead of the technology adoption curve. Being ahead does not mean a whit unless you know that I am.
Yes, I am extremely status conscious. I am very active on my facebook account, indeed not ten seconds passes by without my taking a peek at it. I am worse on twitter. Whatsapp? Don’t even ask. I am waiting for the next app that will make things easier. I have in mind something that will source directly from my brainwaves, compose into a message and send it off without my taking the smallest effort, to all the available platforms, even those in beta version.  
I gave up email ages ago. It was sooooo yesterday many yesterdays ago. SMS is going the way of email. Wait a few hours, if that. It will be history.
But, I must admit that my office is way behind me in technology adoption. I get emails from my benighted colleagues. I have to suffer Luddites, so seriously and I do. Are you pitying me? You must be. You may even be asking yourself why Raghu is using emails, the way of the dinosaurs.
Well, my dinosaur is a new and improved version. My email messages always carry from which device it is being sent, like “sent from my iPhone 10”. Note the version: 10. iPhone 6 is sooooo passé, so disconnected from my status.
At home, if you are wondering, I watch 1960s classic Tamil films on my 56” (Modi’s chest size, if you recall) Nano fibre TV. I have no landline phone. My house is as “smart” as smart gets. My security system senses my mood, identifies the person(s) at the door and decides whether to send the visitors back or let them in (note the order – if it decides that the visitor carries even a nano-scale threat to my well being, (s)he will be on her way back. Shades of Isaac Asimov’s rules for robots). I have Rube Goldberg contraptions everywhere in my house, doing everything from giving me a shave and/or a haircut, to feeding me my favourite food (day- and time-specific).
I drive a driverless car (please do not parse the sentence).
When I started looking for a post-retirement job, merely for my amusement, I chose the only outfit (I refuse to call it a university) where I may feel comfortable teaching. I demanded that it should be as technology-adopted as I am. I don’t ever want to feel chalk in my hands; indeed, I am allergic to chalk dust. I demanded a sterilized class room. I got all of these.
No wonder then, my email messages carry the status code that the addressee is receiving it from the futuristic iPhone 10; the more condescending the message the better.
Now, do you feel ashamed that you advertise that your email is “sent from my iPhone / Android device”? If yes, the purpose of this post has been achieved.  
Let me get out of my reverie and put down the facts: I composed this piece on MS Word and am posting it from my outdated laptop, with low single digit GB memory and RAM in MB range. The fact that I acknowledge this so readily should let my few readers know how status conscious I really am.

Raghuram Ekambaram

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