“I have been very busy!”
When they unexpectedly meet someone with whom they have not been in touch for a while, I have heard more than a few people starting off the conversation, most apologetically, “See, I have been extremely busy (too busy even to call you, much less visit or host you at my house etc.).”
This has happened to me, as it must have to you too. Perhaps you take it in your stride – as you yourself may have given this excuse - but I do not, because I have never.
I am insulted by this opener. Let me analyze the offered excuse. “You have not been busy enough and you could have called.” Why would I be insulted by this? Definitely not because I too have been equally busy; it is rather because of the arrogance of implying, “I know you have not been too busy.” How do you know? Or, on the scale of comparative busyness, I come a rung or two below. So what?
Not a day goes by without someone or the other advising that relationships need to be worked on – like telling your mom you love her, not too infrequently. They do not just fall on your lap and sit there idly. Indeed, they have a tendency to fall off your lap; of course, no one needs to be a loser if they did, but the potential is ever present. In simple terms, one has to spend time nurturing relationships, maintaining contacts. Obviously, the person who offers this excuse has never received this message. I pity him or her.
In an exasperated moment when I repeatedly got this excuse from someone close to me, I listed out the reasons she could have been busy for the preceding ten years. The point is not that she had been busy, rather her priorities had changed and keeping in touch with me is way down the list. She had not come to it, as yet.
Even as I accepted this implicit message, I was upset that she was, if she meant her excuses, not being honest with herself. That is frustrating. It is less hurting, and insulting too, to hear that you have been demoted than people offering patently false excuses, build alibies.
Of course, now such instances are rare. Facebook, Twitter etc., ensure you, as well as the other person, know you are busy, better yet, you can prove it too – “I have been very busy!” tweeting.
Now, how does one end this unexpected encounter? For that, I have to take you to an introduction to life on an American university campus that the International Student Office gave to all new students, a few decades ago. It said that there are many casual phrases that student would do well to ignore. Like?
“Let’s do lunch!”
Raghuram Ekambaram
When they unexpectedly meet someone with whom they have not been in touch for a while, I have heard more than a few people starting off the conversation, most apologetically, “See, I have been extremely busy (too busy even to call you, much less visit or host you at my house etc.).”
This has happened to me, as it must have to you too. Perhaps you take it in your stride – as you yourself may have given this excuse - but I do not, because I have never.
I am insulted by this opener. Let me analyze the offered excuse. “You have not been busy enough and you could have called.” Why would I be insulted by this? Definitely not because I too have been equally busy; it is rather because of the arrogance of implying, “I know you have not been too busy.” How do you know? Or, on the scale of comparative busyness, I come a rung or two below. So what?
Not a day goes by without someone or the other advising that relationships need to be worked on – like telling your mom you love her, not too infrequently. They do not just fall on your lap and sit there idly. Indeed, they have a tendency to fall off your lap; of course, no one needs to be a loser if they did, but the potential is ever present. In simple terms, one has to spend time nurturing relationships, maintaining contacts. Obviously, the person who offers this excuse has never received this message. I pity him or her.
In an exasperated moment when I repeatedly got this excuse from someone close to me, I listed out the reasons she could have been busy for the preceding ten years. The point is not that she had been busy, rather her priorities had changed and keeping in touch with me is way down the list. She had not come to it, as yet.
Even as I accepted this implicit message, I was upset that she was, if she meant her excuses, not being honest with herself. That is frustrating. It is less hurting, and insulting too, to hear that you have been demoted than people offering patently false excuses, build alibies.
Of course, now such instances are rare. Facebook, Twitter etc., ensure you, as well as the other person, know you are busy, better yet, you can prove it too – “I have been very busy!” tweeting.
Now, how does one end this unexpected encounter? For that, I have to take you to an introduction to life on an American university campus that the International Student Office gave to all new students, a few decades ago. It said that there are many casual phrases that student would do well to ignore. Like?
“Let’s do lunch!”
Raghuram Ekambaram
6 comments:
I agree it is quite rude to say that I have been very busy.
The reason why I frequently miss keeping in touch is that I am forgetful, apart from being a case book study of procrastination in personal affairs.But I always plead guilty and by now people in my circle know that it is a congenital shortcoming and they forgive me.
BTW that includes my son studying in another city who I hardly call, very unmomlike...while his father speaks to him on almost a daily basis.
Perhaps people are indeed busy nowadays with Facebook and Twitter - as you have implied yourself. I guess people are becoming less interested in meeting people directly and more interested in the indirect encounters!
you have to say some thing..
may be saying let us do lunch is good enough...
DS sir,
Yes, when you have trouble saying anything, say something meaningless! You got that so right.
RE
Matheikal,
Then, it will be like the Close Encounter of The Third Kind!
RE
Aditi,
You always plead guilty. Therefore, the post does not carry any weight in your case. People give that rude excuse because they have difficulty saying sorry.
Your son is very lucky that he has a non-overbearing mom, and I mean it. Both my mom and dad were sort of OK type of worried / concerned about me and my brother.
RE
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